Is God Allowed in Your Bedroom?

I love talking with people; especially those with whom I have opposing views, because it expands my thinking and provides a different perspective. Recently, I had a conversation with a sister that still has me scratching my head.

I’ll spare you the details of her life; just suffice it to say that she confesses the Lord as Savior but, like some of us, she is growing in her relationship. We were discussing how ‘shady’ some people are, and she proceeded to say that she doesn’t trust anyone. As an example, when her male friends (with benefits) leave her home,  she escorts them to the door, because she doesn’t want one of them to unlock a window as an entry point for burglary once she leaves. All I could say was, “WOW”!

When she finished speaking I asked, “how do you reconcile trusting a person with your body but not trusting him with your belongings?” She had an answer.  She said that she can control what happens in the bed, but she could not control what he might do as he is leaving her home. She missed the point, so I rephrased, “so what you’re telling me is that you value your things more than your thang? (yes, I went there)”  She replied, “no, I value myself–I just don’t trust people.”  Although she didn’t admit so, I could tell that my question gave her something to think about, because she wanted to end the call quickly.

This was a great reminder of how we compartmentalize our lives, and become unable to see how the separate rooms affect the whole house. Our rooms, although separate by walls, make up the entire house (i.e., your temple) and if one of the rooms is messy, it subtracts from the beauty of the home.  Change occurs when we invite the Lord into every room of our lives–especially the bedroom. Closing the door to a messy room says  “Do Not Enter” so the Holy Spirit is unable to help in the places where some of us experience the most temptation.


The disordered rooms of our lives might be embarrassing to some of us, but not to God. In fact, he knew that we would make a mess of our lives; so Jesus shed His blood on the cross to clean us (e.g., our rooms) from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:7). But we must remove the do not enter signs, because He won’t trespass into the areas we don’t give Him access (e.g., override our will).

I am never embarrassed to ask God for HELP (Hear Every Little Prayer)–even with temptations in the flesh. Jesus  is my example, and he, too, was tempted.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15 (NIV)

Do not overlook this: tempted in EVERY way….that includes in His flesh. Also, don’t miss, that He did not sin. And we, too, can experience temptation without sinning, if we give Him FULL access and there are no closed doors.

When our most intimate relationship is with the Holy Spirit, this leads and guides us into all truths. The truth of which spouse to marry, which job to pursue and which people to allow in our lives. Intimacy requires that we tear down the walls and open the doors–both physically and spiritually. Get naked before God, ask for HELP in your weaknesses.

Better naked with the one who has given me everything, than naked with someone who might take everything.

HELP to get started:

Dear Lord, I need you in every area of my life–particularly in my bedroom. I admit what I allow to take place is not your will for my life so I invite you into this area to make me holy–just as you are holy. Teach me to seek you as my escape during my temptations. Amen

Need more HELP? B! Celibate is a 21-Day guide to sexual purity. It’s free so grab your copy here.

Have you signed up for Fifty Shades of They, the new class starting after the new year? Sign up here.

Is God allowed in your bedroom? Why or why not?

Want to know the #1 Blockage to Intimacy?

I’ll give you a few clues:

  1. It’s at the core of us
  2. It can be hard or pliable
  3. Doctors say, when diseased, it’s the number one killer for women

You might have guessed the answer by number 3: it is our heart.

Heart disease is not only a problem medically, a diseased heart is also a problem spiritually because it hinders intimacy. The lack of intimacy is apparent in our day-to-day interactions; from the apathetic attitudes demonstrated with one another, and our basic indifference to things that don’t directly affect us. Our hearts are ‘dis’ eased (e.g., not at ease) The major reason is that our hearts have grown cold, and we have overlooked a short, but powerful scripture:

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (NIV).

Our hearts are doors that most of us leave unguarded.


Recently, someone complained to me, using very angry words, to explain how I made him feel. Sensing that he needed to vent, I listened while quietly saying to myself: “Lord, you’re my wall of salvation, and I  guard my heart.”  I silently repeated this several times and allowed the person to finish speaking.

After listening, I apologized for my delivery, but repeated the scripture I’d shared with him earlier.   When he left, I thanked the holy spirit for reminding me to guard my heart, because his anger could have done what he accused me of–not speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)

To guard means to watch over and protect; so we must control what gets into our hearts. The doors to our hearts are our 5 senses: eyes, ears, nose, mouth and hands.

Is it that serious, some might ask? Yes. Since the quality of our lives flows from our hearts, we have to guard what we watch (eyes), what we listen to (ears), our environment (nose), our physical/spiritual diet (mouth) and what we touch (hands).

If we don’t guard our hearts, one of our senses will always sell us out.

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of-Matthew 12:34

Here are some practical examples of how I guard my heart.

Eyes: I carefully select which television programming I allow in my heart. Watching Scandal might not be a problem for most, but it reminds me of an old, popular book: Smart Women, Foolish Choices. I’ve made enough foolish choices for all of us. No, thank you!

Ears: I do not allow people to treat me as a garbage dump. For example, someone I knew was involved with a married man. When she didn’t listen to wisdom, I told her that she could not share intimate details of their relationship. Needless to say, this relationship did not last.

Nose:  Fortunately, establishments have done a good job of providing space for smokers; but even in private gatherings, I limit my time around smokers–of anything.

Mouth: This is still an area I’m growing in.  I do a good job speaking the Word of God (spiritual food) and putting it into my heart; my growth area is putting the right natural foods in my mouth. Pray for me please.

Hands: Saved my biggest challenge for last; it’s the one I’ve failed at the most…..those things I do. Unfortunately, I like action; so I do a LOT. After many failures, I have slowly learned to only do the things God has instructed. The lesson here is, not all good things are God things.

How do you guard your heart? Please share examples of how you guard your heart. I am looking forward to learning from you.

Singleness: The Power of ONE


ONE of the biggest mistakes we make is not embracing the current season we are in, because we are looking ahead to a future period: when the kids are older or the kids are gone, when I get out of debt, when I get out of school, when I get a better job, when I retire. By looking at the future, we live in a constant state of not being present, and we miss His presence in our present.

I embrace my current season of being single–for many reasons; the primary being what Paul said: The unmarried can focus on the things of the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:34).  When I was married, my time and attention were definitely divided; with my husband requiring the lion’s share.

While married couples can certainly accomplish more together, they must first come together as ONE. The challenge is often when they are at a different stage mentally, emotionally or spiritually. The unmarried only have to come into agreement with the Word of God, which has great examples of how God did great exploits using just ONE:

  • Noah obeyed God and built a ship on dry land
  • Joseph sustained Egypt through the famine
  • Rahab aided the spies in escaping
  • Job remained faithful to God through constant calamity
  •  Lydia started a church at Philippi
  • and Paul….too many to list

And, of course, the greatest ONE is Christ going to the cross!

Watch this video and see how ONE person affected the life of a young man, who went on to make a drastic change.

I started this ministry in obedience to God’s instruction to use what was in my hands. Now, I didn’t consider myself having anything of value; however, He had me take a spiritual inventory, which showed that I had a decade of developing an intimate relationship with Him, and He wants me to help others do the same.

What do you have in your hand? I urge you to take an inventory to answer this question and begin to give from what you have now–not when your circumstances change or your situation improves.

Leave a comment to share what you would do today if there were no obstacles. I’m looking forward to reading how you’re going to use your power as ONE.

We are developing the curriculum for our first class to help you improve your relationships. Sign up so that we can  keep you abreast of developments.

Want more Intimacy?

If you’re short on time, I’ll share the strategy upfront;  if you want more intimacy, yield.

In its most basic form, to yield means to give or to surrender. When we surrender, we give up something; and usually it’s something we want to keep. Just the thought of “giving up” makes me feel like I’m losing, and I immediately want to close up so that I can hang on even tighter, but stay with me because you’ll appreciate the results.

Look at the shape of a yield sign:


Now, imagine you with your arms lifted, open at your sides; giving praises to our creator: you are yielding. How much improved would our relationships be if we took this posture with our spouses (or ex), leaders, peers or anyone whom we wanted an improved relationship?  Romans 12:10 (NIV) instructs us:

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Admittedly, when I decided to practice honoring others above myself, my biggest fear was being used.  I would love to tell you that my fear was unfounded but that would not be truthful; some people viewed me as a doormat. What I can tell you is that God judged my heart, and what they meant for evil, He turned for my good (Romans 8:28). I grew spiritually, I developed meaningful relationships, my business prospered, and I experienced financial stability; things I had worked decades for–with little results. The highest yielding we should all strive for is to yield to the Word of God.

I’m reminded of a few lines from Mother Teresa’s Anyway Poem:

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Comment below and tell us if you have ever honored someone above yourself? What happened?

Remember to grab your free copy of my latest book, B! Celibate?

Are you living for LIKES while longing for LOVE?

likeI’m a fan of social media. It allows me to stay connected with people I see infrequently. Sociologist says that when friends comment on and “like” our posts, a certain level of need is met; it provides immediate gratification because while we all want “likes”, we need love.  Let’s not be deceived to believe that virtual relationships can replace visual relationships; they cannot compare. Hebrews 10:25 instructs us:

Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near (CEB).

Friends, the virtual hugs were not meant to replace our physically seeing one another because when we come together, Christ is manifested.

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. (Matt 18:20 NIV)

My intimate times of worship are precious to me; yet when I worship with my brothers and sisters, it is powerful–nothing compares to that unity. I grow in my private time of worship, but the body grows up into Him, who is our head in our corporate time of worship.

We are more powerful when we join together. We can learn from the Old Testament how, with the rock (Christ), one man could pursue a thousand enemies and two, ten thousand enemies (Deut 32:30). We were created for connection; first with God and then with one another.

Let’s create connections more meaningful than thumb-to-thumb; let’s be intentional to connect eyes-to-eyes, ears-to-ears and heart-to-heart. And, if you’re married, mouth-to mouth because that is true intimacy and the love our culture so desperately seeks.

Singles, to help you stay away from the mouth-to-mouth for now, download your free copy of B! Celibate.

If there were no constraints (e.g., money, distance) comment below with whom would you spend time?

Is Intimacy Mandatory?


I like options; the more the better, and we are blessed to live with lots of options,  which can sometimes  make decisions more difficult. While options are nice, sometimes I just want to move ahead from the nice to the necessary.

Here’s why intimacy is necessary:

I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. John 15:5 (MSG) 

Friends, in order to live our best lives, it is mandatory that we are connected to our creator because that’s the start of our most intimate relationship. In fact, if our horizontal relationship (with the Lord) is not in order, our vertical relationships won’t be either. We are nourished when we’re properly connected; we grow and thrive being correctly linked; we’re birthed into our purpose when we’re joined to the Lord first.

Would you like this intimate relationship?  Pray this:

Heavenly Father, I want to have an intimate relationship with you.  Please forgive me for my sins and allow me to forgive myself and others for the sins done against me. I invite you to live passionately within my heart. May your love burn deeply within me as I love others with that same love. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Welcome to the family my friend! In future posts, I’ll share detailed steps on how you can develop this most important relationship,

In the interim, how have you kept the flames burning in other relationships?

Start Here

Picture7September 18, 2014

If you’re new to our site, welcome!

We’re a supportive community of believers who want to develop intimate, non-sexual relationships; the first being with the Lord.

Below, is our mission statement as well as the guidelines we ask that you adhere to when sharing on the site. Thanks in advance for helping us along the journey.

Mission: is a non-profit organization that encourages developing intimate relationships. We believe our over-sexed culture is a massively, misdirected reflection of our desire for meaningful connections.  When our relationship with the Lord is on fire, we’ll no longer need to use substitutes for fulfillment.

Interested in helping? Great, there are several ways you can help:

  • pray for us
  • engage here in the community
  • help others connect with us by sharing the site

How can we pray for you? Leave your prayer request in the comment section.

If you do not already have B! Celibate, your 21-Day Guide to Igniting Intimacy, download it now; it’s our gift to you!

a safe, close and trusting relationship where you are KNOWN and still LOVED